


The Truth is Scary Sometimes

by brightredwings



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety, Awkward, Boys in Skirts, Crossdressing, First Kiss, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Misunderstandings, asanoya if you squint - Freeform, daisuga if you sqint, yams in a skirt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:40:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26289631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brightredwings/pseuds/brightredwings
Summary: Tadashi has a secret that really isn't that big of a deal, but it feels like his whole world catches fire when his best friend discovers said secret, and he's just left to watch it burn.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 201





	The Truth is Scary Sometimes

**Author's Note:**

> there's so much angst with the tadashi and kei relationship,it hurts. but don't worry, i only do happy endings because it's my only source of serotonin.
> 
> i’m so bad at paragraphing i’m so sorry :/

Tadashi hides himself from everyone in a way that no one realizes. It isn’t that he’s afraid to chat with his friends at school or let himself cry during tough volleyball matches, but he hides in a different way. He hides the way he truly feels, shoving it deep down so he won’t have to deal with it. The overwhelming anxiety that tries to control his life keeps him from being himself. So now home alone, Tadashi stands in front of his mirror, his reflection staring right back at him, in a smooth, black skirt. 

He only wore skirts when he was home alone, keeping them buried in the deepest corner of his closet as to not be found. Not even Kei can know, Tadashi wouldn’t be able to handle the pure disgust the most important person in his life would express. So no one knows Tadashi likes to wear skirts except for himself, and he plans on keeping it that way.

Right when Tadashi got home from school, he launched his school uniform across his room and slipped back into his favourite black skirt with a grey hoodie. Simple and elegant, just like Tadashi liked it. It was moments like this that he realized his parents never being home really wasn’t all bad, because his house was the only place he could be whoever he wanted to be, as long as no one was around.

Volleyball practice had been rough, as shown by the bruises and scrapes along Tadashi’s slim legs, although he didn’t mind too much. Music played from his speakers, a soft, slow song dusting through the sunny kitchen as he made himself from tea. He hummed along, drinking up the warm sunshine up from the window, the whistle of the kettle bringing him back down from his thoughts. Tadashi quickly smoothed his skirt out and began to carefully pour the boiling water into his favourite mug, until the front door swung open.

The freckled boy shouted, jolting so violently from the shock he caused the kettle slipped from his hands, splashing onto his bare hand and thighs. That only caused him to yell louder, a thumping sound coming from the door as it was slammed shut. “Tadashi?” a low voice echoed, laced with a small amount of concern. Too busy with running cool water over his freshly burned hand, Tadashi didn’t bother to turn around, or even remember what he was wearing.

“Uh,” the voice choked when the unexpected guest arrived in the kitchen, Tadashi’s stomach dropping at the familiar hum. He slowly shut the water off, ignoring the bubbling feeling on his thighs and turned around, “Tsukki! What are you doing here?” The blonde’s face was unreadable and he carefully bent down to pick up the spilling kettle. “You told me your parents were gone for the week, I thought,” Kei frowned further, “I thought you told me to come over today. You told me Monday, remember?”

Tadashi’s face paled, he remembered the discussion now that his best friend was in his kitchen. “Right,” he squeaked, keeping his head hung low and resisting the urge to spiral in a full blown panic attack. Kei just clicked his tongue and disappeared, leaving the shorter of the two to dwell on all his life mistakes, his skin still prickling and sore. He came back with a towel at hand, tossing it down into the puddle and letting the soft fabric soak up the water. “Maybe,” Tadashi choked out, hot tears beginning to burn his eyes, “Maybe you should go.”

Kei wouldn’t look away from Tadashi, with that contorted expression on his face he wouldn’t stop making. “Tsukki, please,” he sighed, his voice coming out dangerously close to a whine. Tadashi could feel the all too familiar panic building in his stomach, his breath beginning to quicken and his brain starting to shut down. Kei’s eyes flickered from his eyes, to his skirt, to his burnt thighs, mouth contorted into a frown of disgust. “What the hell are you wearing,” he finally spoke, crossing his arms over his chest. 

That was it. That was what pushed Tadashi over the edge as he bit his lip to keep himself from crying, “Ihavesomewheretobe,” he heaved out in one breath, nearly flying across his own kitchen, snatching his shoes up and booking it out the door barefooted, not even stopping for a breath. It was beginning to grow cooler as the seasons were changing, but even that wasn’t enough to calm down the heat across Tadashi’s whole body. He couldn’t be bothered that he currently looked insane, a thin boy sprinting down the sidewalk in a stupid skirt, his shoes in his hands.

Tadashi didn’t stop until he reached one of his favourite trees out in the quieter parts of his neighborhood, atop a small hill. It was when he sat down everything hit him, and the tears began to fall down his pink cheeks. Tadashi didn’t fully understand what it was about skirts, and he never thought he would have to, because no one had to know. But now someone did. And that someone was his best friend in the entire world, the only person Tadashi really loved. He loved Kei more than he loved his own parents, because Kei was around more often than them. Now, Kei wouldn’t ever talk to him again, because who talks to a freak boy that prances around in skirts like it was normal? 

Tadashi cursed colourfully under his breath, looking up to the leaves changing from green to red, one falling down and landing in his lap. He twirled it between his fingers and moved to reach for his phone, until he realized he hadn’t grabbed it. Time was unknown, but Tadashi physically couldn’t move, his head was now completely empty as the sounds around him passed through one ear and out the other. It wasn’t until the setting golden sun glossed over his skin that Tadashi realized he had finally stopped crying, and too much time had passed. Slowly getting to his feet, he slipped his shoes on and wiped his face on the smooth fabric of his sleeves, letting his hair fall in front of his eyes as he began the walk home.

The house was quiet and the clock indicated he had been gone for three hours, the half filled mug still sitting on the counter, completely cool now. The ground had been dried and the towel hung on the edge of the sink, with no sign of Kei anywhere. “Hello?” Tadashi called out wearily, his voice coming out more shaky than intended. When there was no response, he let out a quiet groan and sunk to the kitchen floor, finally giving his thighs a good look. The skin was red and raw, his hand matching the theme. There was some dried blood but there seemed to be no bubbling skin, which Tadashi hoped would stay that way.

The house felt cold as Tadashi sat in the cool water of his bathtub, soaking his burns. They stung badly, so much worse than scraping skin against a gym floor when diving for a ball. He had long bandages and cream waiting by the sink, his skirt sunken in the corner like it was mocking him. Tadashi cried again even though he knew it really shouldn’t be a big deal. But it was. It was to him. So he cried the rest of the night, while he wrapped the thick bandages around his thighs and hand, while he stared at his homework which ended up being left blank, while he brushed his teeth and while he lay in his bed, body aching.

Tadashi didn’t check his phone when morning came around, his body was still in pain from all the panic, anxiety and burns. His alarm went off on the early Thursday morning for school, but it was slammed off and Tadashi rolled back over. School wasn’t happening today, and it’s not like his parents were around to scold him, they never were. Tadashi couldn’t call Kei for obvious reasons, so he did the next best thing. He put on a clean skirt, deep grey with vertical white lines. 

Tadashi stood in his kitchen without moving, staring at the kettle with intense hatred in his veins. He could hear his phone going off from his room because practice would be starting at the moment, but he couldn’t deal with it, as he was busy forcing himself to eat some strawberries. The anxiety in his stomach threatened to make him cough up his breakfast, but he kept it down while he stared at a wall. Kei knew. Kei knew that Tadashi was a creep, wearing skirts like some kind of school girl. But now that he knew, the fear seemed to settle a bit, and Tadashi sighed deeply for the trillionth time that morning. 

He glanced down to his bandaged hand, thinking about volleyball. It wasn’t his dominant hand and his fingers were safe, but blocking would most definitely split the skin right open. How was Tadashi supposed to explain what happened? “Hey coach, oh this?” Tadashi spoke out loud to himself, “Oh, it’s nothing. Just got so scared when my best friend caught me in a skirt I spilt boiling water over myself, you know how it goes.” His tone was harsh and he felt like punching something, but he didn’t. Instead he flopped back into bed and closed his eyes, tears beginning to soak his pillow in exhaustion.

Friday morning, Tadashi let himself sleep in to skip morning classes, the ones he had with Kei. He would have to face him eventually at practice after school, but it would be easier to distract himself. As lunch rolled around, Tadashi carefully changed his bandages into clean ones, applying more cream to be safe. He pulled his uniformed pants on, cringing at the sharp sting when the fabric scraped across his skin, but it was nothing compared to the dread in his stomach. 

It was even colder than yesterday, but Tadashi couldn’t help but think it was the perfect weather for a knee length skirt and a thick wool sweater, rolling his eyes at his own obsession. Tadashi always knew who he was, but that didn’t mean what was normal to him was normal to others. Girls were pretty, yeah. Kiyoko’s hair is always so perfect, and Yachi had really pretty eyes, but boys. It always made more sense to Tadashi, yet he still hasn’t told anyone, because maybe if he ignores it, it’ll go away.

No one asked him about his wrapped hand in class, mainly because no one really engaged with Tadashi in class without Kei around. They weren’t mean like kids used to be in middle school, but they still weren’t friendly like the way Hinata or Suga were. The final bell rang and bile rose in his throat at the realization that it was time to practice. The burns were low enough that the bandages would most definitely show from under his shorts, but he was more concerned with what questions would be asked. 

Tadashi decided to change in the bathroom instead of with the rest of the team, quickly dropping his bag off in their clubroom. “Oh, Yamaguchi!” Suga smiled, waiting for Daichi to make sure everything was organized before they locked the room. “Hello,” Yamaguchi responded quietly, holding his bag in front of his legs to hide the injuries. “Where were you yesterday?” Daichi asked sternly, waiting at the door for his lower classman to put his bag down. Yamaguchi tossed his bag to the side and avoided any contact, slipping past the two and moving towards the stairs. “Uh,” he mumbled, “Something came up.” 

Tadashi thought he was in the clear when he made it off the stairs, but a soft hand kept him from running any further. “Yamaguchi,” Suga said more seriously, “What happened to your legs?” “And your hand,” Daichi pointed out. Yamaguchi pulled at his hair with his good hand from anxiety, “I spilt hot water on myself the other day, so I couldn’t come to practice.”

Suga cringed, “Oh dear, are you feeling alright?” Yamaguchi nodded, not trusting his voice to come out smoothly if he spoke. “Can you play?” Daichi asked as they continued their walk towards the gym, Tadashi’s heart beating faster and faster. “I think so. Maybe not blocking, though,” he chuckled nervously, opening his palm and closing it again. “Fine. But you’re sitting out if it hurts, even just a little! Don’t be stupid like Hinata and Kageyama,” Daichi said warm heartedly. “Yes captain!”

Tadashi stepped into the gym and nearly threw up over himself when his eyes locked directly with Kei’s, who then quickly tore his gaze away. “Yamaguchi!” Hinata screamed along with Nishinoya and Tanaka, “Where have you been?” “Sorry,” he smiled weakly, “But I’m back now.” Tanaka’s smile faded as he got closer, “Woah, dude. Why are your legs all messed up like that?” His loud statement seemed to catch the attention of the rest of the team, the sound of volleyball’s slapping against the ground halting. 

With all eyes on him, Tadashi felt his legs beginning to shake and his breath began to quicken, glancing everywhere but to his teammates. Kei was standing farther back, but it was clear he was waiting to hear the response, which Tadashi knew he couldn’t get out. “Hey! This isn’t a family reunion! Get back to work or you’ll all be running laps!” Daichi barked in his captain voice, the team all skidding away to get back onto the court. Tadashi shot him a look of thanks and wandered off to the far wall, stretching out carefully and avoiding contact with Kei.

Tadashi was able to play, but he sat out for the practice match at the end, not wanting to risk getting in a position where he would have to block one of Asahi’s spikes. “So,” Ukai sat next to him, “You comin’ tonight?” Tadashi couldn’t help but raise his eyebrows, “What?” “The kids didn’t tell you? I promised I’d take you all out for dinner tonight, my treat.” Tadashi hummed, “Oh, I haven’t really been on my phone.” Ukai clapped his back, “Get the details from Kiyoko or Yachi before you leave, the reservation's at eight!” Tadashi nodded as his coach walked away, locking eyes with Kei once more.

Tadashi ran home before Kei could join his side, although it’s not like he would want to anyways. The house was still empty, just like it had been the past week and how it would stay for much longer, but Tadashi still couldn’t find it in himself to be upset about it, he liked living alone. The team was to meet outside the restaurant in two hours, so the first thing Tadashi did was get in the shower and clean his burns. The skin still wasn’t bubbling, but it was still too raw to start peeling. It was a chore trying to wash himself with one hand, but he managed with much time to spare, re bandaging himself and opening his closet.

On instinct, Tadashi pulled out a pair of jeans and a white shirt, but paused. He didn’t know why he paused, but he did, and he stared into his closet. Something happened in that moment, where Tadashi’s shoulders drooped and he let the clothes in his hands fall to the side. His eyes dragged themselves to a baby blue skirt, one he had never worn before. Deep down, that problem, those emotions he’d been hiding burst open, rising like lava from a volcano. It was overwhelming, the relief that washed over Tadashi as he reached out, pulling the skirt into his lap. He ran his fingers over the smooth fabric, and everything just made sense.

People say realizations can take a long time, but no one warned Tadashi of what happened when you finally reached the end. It felt like he had been drowning for so long, unable to break through to the surface no matter how hard he swam. He had been running out of breath and things began to go fuzzy, until one final kick launched his head up. Slipping the skirt over his legs felt like the first clean breath of crisp air, the one he had been fighting to achieve for so long. Tadashi paired the light skirt with a white collared long sleeve, thick enough to keep the wind from stinging his skin. It was time to leave, and Tadashi swallowed the nervous anxiety that was threatening to burst out. 

He looked himself over in the mirror, brushing his fingers over his freckles and combing gently through his hair. Tadashi fully blanked during the walk there, staring at his shoes and glancing over his bandages on his thighs. He was really wearing a skirt, and with his teammates around nonetheless. He rounded the corner of the final street to hear Kageyama and Hinata yelling over one another, but they were laughing at the same time. Seems Tadashi was the last to arrive thanks to his existential crisis in his mirror a few minutes before and he forced himself to wave, his more energetic teammates yelling back. 

“Is that a skirt?” Nishinoya shouted when Tadashi finally joined the group. His stomach dropped and before he could respond, the libero continued, “It’s so cool! See, I tried to get Asahi to-,” Asahi’s hand clamped over the shorter boy’s mouth, his face beet red. “Thanks,” Tadashi mumbled, picking at his fingers under his sleeves. “Hey Suga, you have the same one I think,” Daichi whispered to the grey haired boy, who just smiled enthusiastically in return. Chatter broke out again while Ukai slowly forced his team into the restaurant, nearly empty since it was so small and unknown. 

Kei took his normal seat at the very end of the table and he still hadn’t said anything to Tadashi since the situation, so the olive haired boy didn’t take the seat next to him, instead kneeling three spots down. He missed the deep frown that settled on Kei’s face, the whole team staring between the two in utter disbelief. With a huff, it was the blonde who stood back up and marched himself over to Tadashi, his startling height towering over the kneeling boy. Tadashi looked up, meeting the scowl on Kei’s face with wide eyes, who simply fell in the seat next to him, not saying anything.

Tadashi swallowed hard and looked straight ahead, tugging on the hem of his skirt and adjusting it to properly cover the bandages. The others finally began kneeling around the table after the weird interaction between the closest pair on the team, and chatter broke out comfortably. Hinata and Kageyama were close together, having their own secret conversation about volleyball, whereas the others had one large conversation, despite Nishinoya and Tanaka constantly interrupting with excitement. Kei kept looking over to Tadashi, but made no attempt to speak. 

Tadashi listened comfortably to his teammates talk, until the burns on his thighs began to ache from the skin being stretched in his sitting position. He frowned and rubbed the bandages to ease the pain, but that only made the stinging worse as he inhaled a sharp breath. Kei’s head snapped in his direction and he finally leaned in, “Are you okay?” Tadashi nodded quickly without looking over, clenching on the hem of his skirt until his knuckles were white. Kei stood up and held his hand out, waiting for Tadashi to take it. He did eventually as the others watched, Kei leading the two just outside the restaurant where they could be alone.

“You seemed like you needed to stretch your legs,” Kei said flatly, leaning against the door. The wind ruffled Tadashi’s hair and he hummed in response, his gut twisting with a question he needed answered. “Tsukishima?” The full use of his last name startled the blonde as his eyes grew wide, finally standing up straight with his arms limp at his sides, hands balled into tight fists. “Are,” Tadashi looked to the side when his voice quivered and he cursed under his breath.

“Are you disgusted by me now?”

Tadashi couldn’t help the odd stray tears that stained his cheeks, searching Kei’s face for any reaction. Kei sighed deeply and stepped forwards, “Tadashi,” he said seriously. Tadashi stiffened, unable to move his legs despite how much he wanted to run away. Kei opened his mouth, and his words were almost lost to the wind.

“Never.”

“What?” Tadashi choked out, unsure if he misheard the blonde. “I would never. Disgust isn’t something I could ever feel towards you, even if I wanted to,” Kei spoke softly. His eyes were directed to the ground while Tadashi continued to search his face, trying to read the expressionless boy. A pair of hands suddenly tugged lightly on his skirt, fingers toying with the fabric. “Tsukki?” Tadashi whispered as the taller boy continued to play with the skirt, not saying anything. 

“But why did you look at me like that? When,” Tadashi knew Kei would understand the question. Kei’s face immediately flushed right up to his ears, which caused him to turn his face away as he mumbled his response. “What was that?” Tadashi asked patiently when his friend spoke too quietly, lolling his head to the side nervously. “I said,” Kei huffed, “That you looked really cute.” Tadashi thought he was making up what he heard, because he had to shake his head before continuing, “Pardon?” 

Kei finally looked at him, his face still pink and nervous. “You- when I walked in, I just,” he groaned, struggling to find the words he wanted to use, “I wasn’t ready to find you in a skirt. Even more so, I wasn’t ready to find you so pretty. Then you got so upset, and I thought I had done something wrong. I waited, but you never came back, so I thought I did something to make you really angry.” Tadashi pulled at his hair, “You think I’m pretty?” Kei clicked his tongue, “Obviously.” Obviously, the word echoed, Kei speaking about how pretty he was like it was something he’s done so many times before. 

“Kei?” The blonde waited for him to continue, still hanging onto the skirt. “When you saw me, it looked like you thought it was gross, and I was,” Tadashi hiccuped, “I was so angry with myself, b-because you were the last p-person I ever wanted to s-see me,” he couldn’t finish as more tears began to fall. “Why didn’t you want me to see you being yourself?” Kei soothed, reaching up to flatten the stray hair that stuck up from Tadashi’s head. “Because it’s embarrassing! What kind of boy wears skirts? What kind of boy likes other boys? Isn’t it gross? Isn’t it sick?” Tadashi exploded, yelling loud enough that he could swear the whole team heard from inside.

“Well,” Kei hummed, 

“Do you think I’m gross? Or sick?”

“Of course not!”

“So there’s your answer.”

It took a moment for Tadashi to understand what the blonde was saying, “Wait.” Kei tilted his head, watching as the words clicked in the freckled boy’s brain, “Are you saying?” Kei hummed again in confirmation, “Not the skirt part, though. Although I really like when you wear them.” Tadashi blushed, some slight confidence washing over him, “I think you’re super pretty too, Tsukki!” The blonde huffed, “Shut up Yamaguchi, that’s embarrassing.” Tadashi didn’t miss the smile that pulled on the other’s face, “Sorry Tsukki!” Kei looked around, then through the window where he caught the gaze from Suga, reminding him what he came out to do. 

“So now that I know one of your secrets-,” “But it’s not a secret anymore Tsukki!” Kei blinked, then continued, “Okay, since I found out one of your secrets when it was still a secret, it’s only fair I share one with you.” Tadashi beamed, “Anything!” Kei clicked his tongue and looked away, feeling his face heating up. Only the wind filled the silence for a moment, and Kei forced himself to speak before he chickened out, “I like you.” Tadashi’s eyebrows furrowed, “Well, yeah, I’d hope so Tsukki.” Kei pressed his lips together tightly and moved closer, brushing the side of Tadashi’s hip to feel the baby blue fabric. Kei breathed in deeply, then said slowly and clearly,

“No, Tadashi. I like you more than a friend should.”

Tadashi’s eyes widened and his smile fell from his face, “Is this something- are you making fun of me?” His voice was quiet and weak, a tremble sneaking out on the last syllable. “Tsukki, that’s not funny. Don’t tease me about liking you like that.” It was Kei’s turn to let his eyes widen, “You like me?” The two stared at each other awkwardly, the moon and the dim lights from the restaurant their only source of light. Tadashi wiped his tears, “Wait, you’re being serious?” Kei reached up and dragged his thumb over the shorter boy’s cheekbone, wiping more loose tears while debating what to do. Tadashi watched the yellow eyes flicker down and back up, as if searching for an answer. 

“Kei?”

“Tadashi.”

Tadashi’s question was answered with a warm feeling pressed against his lips, two large hands cupping either side of his face. It was a quick kiss, both boys uncertain on how to do something they haven’t had much experience with. “Oh,” Tadashi breathed, Kei now waiting for a response. A smile broke out on Tadashi’s lips, a smile so large his eyes wrinkled, “I like you too, if that wasn’t clear.” Kei let out a breath he was holding, letting his hands fall onto Tadashi’s shoulders and slide down his arms, until he reached his hands.

Mindful of the burn, Kei gently held Tadashi’s hands and raised them, kissing the bandages on his palm. Banging on the main window startled them, both turning around to see Hinata and Kageyama with sly grins, making kissy faces at the two. Kei kept a still face and Tadashi blushed, while Daichi rose to his feet behind the two. They continued to laugh until Daichi’s hands clamped down on the top of their heads and they froze, giving side eye looks to one another while they held back laughing.

“Get it!” Nishinoya yelled when the two came back into the restaurant, pumping his fist into the air. Hinata and Kageyama looked at Daichi with a waiting expression, then the ginger called out, “And he gets away with that?” Tadashi couldn’t stop smiling all through their meal, Kei brushing his thigh several times, clearly trying to play if off as an accident. 

At the end of the dinner while everyone waved goodbye, Tadashi grabbed onto Kei’s hand and smiled sheepishly, “Wanna watch a movie at my place?” Kei considered the offer, “Only if we can watch that new documentary on prehistoric life.” Tadashi didn’t care what they watched, because he just wanted to be near Kei. They thanked their coach once more before slipping off hand in hand, Tadashi somehow even more grateful about his parents never being home. Once out of earshot, Kei leaned down and mumbled something so soft, causing Tadashi’s face to glow beet red.

“I want to see you in skirts more often.”

**Author's Note:**

> i love this ship with my entire heart, wow. anyways i always think how yamaguchi would most definitely be too nervous to dress how he wants, so i wanted to try and write what was going on in this stupid brain of mine. this was also a little longer than i intended but oh well!


End file.
